Migraines
Migraines have been apart of my life since high school! They came in with a regence and have gotten progressively worse over the years. The pain, the tears, the auras, the nausea, the light sensitivity, the ice packs, the doctors and hospital visits, the medication trials, and the days missed…
Needless to say the migraine adventure has been a rocky one! But within the last 2 years, I felt my neurologists and I had finally gotten it right. A place where they were manageable, required less appointments, and had found the right medication combination including my rescue ones. So when I started this journey to motherhood, I was not fully prepared for the medication changes. Changes to not only my migraine meds but my allergies and asthma too. My neurologists has officially taken me off all preventative migraine medications but 1 and I can no longer take my normal rescues either.
My body has gone into full overload. I feel like I’m in a constant state of head pain these days. Some days more manageable than others. And tylenol does very little to help either. My neurologists says many women respond to pregnancy, so they may decrease significantly during and after pregnancy. But I have to get there first and others have said don’t count on that happening 😫
The love and sacrifice, even now, for my unborn child is hella strong!!!
Baby… Baby… Baby
I literally have not stopped thinking about babies from the first day this journey started. The reality of finally living out one of my dreams and becoming a mother seemed real. And as excited as I was, I didn’t realize it would effect me so much.
Its the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I go to bed. Its the main thing I notice around me and the yearning that shows up for every mother I encounter. Its the section I find myself skimming when in stores and the most searched topic in my browser. Its the thing that consumes my thoughts and the excitement I experience when this process brings me one step closer. Of course considering many things that come with this decision of motherhood. Things like finances, medical considerations, building my support system, making lifestyle changes, childcare plans, flexibility and changes to my schedule
Even with the nonstop constant thoughts, I am clear that my life is wonderful and unfolding exactly as it should. So I counter my desires by remembering the things I’m grateful for, thinking positive thoughts, limiting the time I wallow in sadness, helping others, and being supportive of mothers around me
A Fight Until the End
Becoming a mother once seemed like a far-fetched goal. But now that it’s within reach, insurance won’t let me be great. Insurance denied my coverage for IUI because I am not married and my egg wouldn’t be fertilized by my spouse. Someone please tell me if we are really in 2021 with policies like this? How is this not discriminatory and exclusive. They are making a lot of assumptions about the way people define family. What the policy does not cover and make accommodations for is the Single Mother by Choice community
Well you know the social worker in me was not ok with this logic and plans to fight back. I have spoken to several representatives who have not been interested in helping me but only to reiterate the inequality that goes on in this field. And if that isn’t enough, the insurance runaround where you get a different response from each person you talk to was real. After speaking with a supervisor, I have finally found a way to appeal to the Employee Benefits Division and the Maryland Insurance Administration. Policies need to change and if I have to be one of the crusader to get in the fight, I will!!!
I am in for the fight until the end!
What’s in a Donor?
You never fully understand what goes into choosing a donor until you do it yourself! I had this glamorous idea in my mind that I would have a donor party. Assemble the people closest to me, have some wine, enjoy each others company, and look through donor profiles together. After I grieved the donor party idea, I realized I had to get to work to make decisions that would best fit my needs to conceive with. Funny thing is, I started the donor search out with this long list of criteria, almost like what I would expect to find in a partner. Some of it unrealistic honestly and unfortunately found that yielded no results. So I evaluated what was most important to me….
I started with tall, dark, and handsome! Initially I knew I wanted an African American donor who was tall (so I could give my child a fighting chance since I am short). I also gauged their personality from the essays and looked at careers/education level. I was so disappointed by the lack of African American donors available at sperm banks and of course the thoughts of why that is definitely ran through my mind. It ultimately let me to the decision to expand my search to include other persons of color.
Let me be honest doing this process can be a very exciting but also very overwhelming and frustrating at the same time. During my process, I had some input from persons but ultimately realized the decision was mine to make. I was so excited when I chose my #1 donor but soon became disappointed again when I confirmed that he only had 3 vials total available and would not be donating more. I was crushed and had to grieve yet another thing in this process. I was able to go back through and pick 2 donors that I would choose from. I was equally happy with both donors as back up choices but then came the genetic testing results. Because I am a carrier for 2 diseases, I had to make sure that any donor I chose was also not a carrier for the same thing. Ultimately, the genetics screening is what chose my top donor because one of them didn’t have an expanded panel. So now found myself grieving yet again that the option to choose was taken from me but at the same time felt confident in the choice I was making. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
I thought for sure, after choosing, my next step would be purchasing this very expensive sperm. (side note: I am still trying to figure out why it is so expensive for 2 vials.) But got stopped and had to do a genetic review of the donor and wait for my doctor to sign off on it, which seems like a lifetime when all you want to do is secure your sperm. After a few days in the doctors hand and delays from a trip- I can report that I have OFFICIALLY chosen a donor and purchased the vials today! This process taught me that choosing the single mom route causes you to appreciate the input and support of important persons as well as the medical team in my life.