Genetics and More
I would like to think I am a smart person. So why it is that as soon as the genetic counselor started talking I got lost? It literally sounded like “womp womp womp.” I must have said can you spell that several times and think I asked the same questions like 3-4 times in trying to understand it all.
I also had not prepared myself for the possibility that I was a carrier for anything and that this was just a formality. So imagine my surprise as I learned more about my genetic makeup and of course had a crash course review of a biology lesson in how genes work. One thing is for sure, having this enlightening conversation made clear just how important it is to have this done.
I am grateful that I had an amazing genetic counselor who took the time to make sure that I understood everything that was said. As well as go above and beyond, to help me determine the testing that had been done on my donor choices to determine compatibility.
As for compatibility, I have also learned that sperm banks do not have an expanded panel of testing on all donors (mainly those that donated before a certain time). Which means, I lose donor options. And I know, the conversation is if I was having this baby naturally with a partner, I would never know. But as the old saying goes, when you know better you do better! And since I know, I will definitely be making the decision to ensure donor is a good match!
The Wait Phase
I have officially come to understand what so many talk about as the “hurry up and wait” process. There is an increased urgency and emphasis put on your pre-testing and scheduling of appointments. So you rush to complete all the items on your checklist and then what???
Well in my wait phase, I spent some time practicing. My Godsister recently said “practice makes perfect” right? Meaning you become better at something if you do it often. But that is only one piece of the pie and other factors contribute to skill development. VeryWell Mind suggests other important factors include overall intelligence, how early you start learning, your memory capacity, inborn talent, and most importantly mental practice. Of course, mental practice involves imagining the steps you must go through to perform a task.
While nothing can fully prepare you for the excitement, chaos, and exhaustion of motherhood there are two things to remember: First, exploration is an important part of the process and second, be courageous and not afraid to make mistakes!
Working Mother proposes that there are many life experiences you’ve already encountered, that will help prepare for this journey called Motherhood. Here are just a few
- The all-nighters you pulled in college help show you, it is possible to function on very little sleep
- All the Ikea furniture you put together will come in handy when getting the nursery together or constructing a complicated toy
- Buying a home can be a extremely complicated process, similar to filling out the post-delivery hospital paperwork or signing up for daycare
- Blizzards (or even the COVID pandemic) that force you stay inside for several days in a row is comparable to your maternity leave
- Dropping something outside with high winds and having to chase after it, is much like running after your child nonstop
(Articles referenced in posts include: https://www.workingmother.com/20-unexpected-things-that-actually-prepare-you-for-working-motherhood and https://www.verywellmind.com/does-practice-really-make-perfect-2795158)
One Thing
Bringing a child into this world is such a daunting task itself. And even more nerve racking when you’re doing it alone. But I feel good about my decision and the support from others that I have received. I know it will not be easy but I am up for the challenge!
However, if I am being honest for a second… There is 1 thing that scares me the most about bringing a child into this world. And that thing which scares me the most about it is ensuring their safety! Especially in the wake of the murder trial of one Black man and now the shooting of another by police, this has been on my mind heavy.
As an African American woman, I will be raising a Black child in these times. Parents of Black children have to protect their kids from the usual dangers that other parents worry about. But on top of that, they must protect their children from internalizing the attacking messages that tell them they are not good enough, too violent, not smart enough, not pretty enough or not as valuable because of the color of their skin.
Questions that often come to my mind include:
- How do I help them embrace Black culture when the world wants to strip it away?
- At what point does my Black child become a threat to others/police?
- At what point do you have the inevitable “talk” with your child to increase their odds of coming home?
- How do I console my child, not if but when they have their first experience with racism?
- How do I help them process their feelings when I am so confused by my own?
This concern is the next task for me to address personally before my child is born. Because at the end of the day, I recognize that raising a Black child is a gift and its my job to empower them!