One Thing
Bringing a child into this world is such a daunting task itself. And even more nerve racking when you’re doing it alone. But I feel good about my decision and the support from others that I have received. I know it will not be easy but I am up for the challenge!
However, if I am being honest for a second… There is 1 thing that scares me the most about bringing a child into this world. And that thing which scares me the most about it is ensuring their safety! Especially in the wake of the murder trial of one Black man and now the shooting of another by police, this has been on my mind heavy.
As an African American woman, I will be raising a Black child in these times. Parents of Black children have to protect their kids from the usual dangers that other parents worry about. But on top of that, they must protect their children from internalizing the attacking messages that tell them they are not good enough, too violent, not smart enough, not pretty enough or not as valuable because of the color of their skin.
Questions that often come to my mind include:
- How do I help them embrace Black culture when the world wants to strip it away?
- At what point does my Black child become a threat to others/police?
- At what point do you have the inevitable “talk” with your child to increase their odds of coming home?
- How do I console my child, not if but when they have their first experience with racism?
- How do I help them process their feelings when I am so confused by my own?
This concern is the next task for me to address personally before my child is born. Because at the end of the day, I recognize that raising a Black child is a gift and its my job to empower them!
Marathon Appointments
If scheduling the appointments was bad, I should have known what was to come.
Thursday March 25- Lets just say I left my house yesterday at 7:30p and didn’t get home until almost 5:00p. Started with check in with the PCP, 2nd dose of the Varicella vaccine, blood work, and the Maternal Fetal Medicine consult. Definitely informational but it was information overload! I had to adjust to the news that due to serious medical issues, age, and weight- I am considered a “at-risk” pregnancy. Its a hard pillow to swallow but I am committed to persevere and loving the dynamic team I am building to help my dreams come to fruition.
Friday March 26- Day 3 of cycle appointments at Shady Grove. Kind of routine so I thought. But no one prepared me for the vaginal ultrasound!!!! And I clearly had breakfast on the way to the appointment when I was supposed to be fasting. Results turned out ok. They are worried about follicle production as that number is not where they want it. Another period of waiting for all updates to be received before seeing my doctor in late April.
Through all this, I only want my future baby to know how much it is wanted!
Hurry Up Already
As females we spend our entire lives hating “that time of the month.” Well now I am spending my days wishing for my period to come, so I can move into the next phase of this process! The wait time after having an IUD removed, can be gruesome.
Everyone tells me the moment I relax and don’t think about it is when it will surprise me. So what have I done to pass the time? Implement some self care by painting pictures, using inspirational coloring books, helping others around me, and getting plenty of rest…
Who is a Single Mother By Choice (SMC)
A SMC is someone who feels they have a lot to give a child and has the emotional and financial resources to support a family. She is someone who is starting out as or will be, the child’s sole parent. Typically someone in the 30’s or 40’s who wants to have a child before its “too late.” Many go to doctors for donor insemination or adopt, and others became pregnant and make the decision to raise them.
In this case, I have begun my journey with Shady Grove Fertility Clinic. I spent months debating if this was right for me. Overcoming the thoughts of what would others think and what would I say to my child. I attended seminars, read blogs, joined a Facebook group, and spoke to women who had already made this decision. But ultimately it was one of my students questioning why I wasn’t a mom already that really convinced me to move forward!
Want to learn more: try https://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/, SMC Facebook groups, Single Mothers By Choice book by Jane Mattes https://amzn.to/3rYC9m9, https://www.liveabout.com/becoming-a-single-mother-by-choice-2998103.
We’re in this together!
Welcome and thanks for joining me on this journey! I hope you are just as excited as I am! Make sure to sign up below to get updates