The BEEhive
Late Post Alert: Beyonce better watch out because Nishay’s BEEhive came to slay!!
Last week culminated the 1st BEEday celebrations. Did I go all out? Absolutely and would do it over again. We had a intimate gathering and had a chance to see some family/friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. While Nishay clearly had no clue that all those people were there to celebrate her, I sure did. People taking time out of their busy schedule to celebrate my daughter meant the world to me! Even those that couldn’t make it- found time to text or call and check in. I was reminded of just how blessed Nishay and I are, with our awesome village. Here are some highlights from her big day
1st BEE day
Well the first birthday is officially in the books. Nishay was in a “it’s my birthday, I can cry if I want to” kind of mood. Of course I was so hyped and she looked at me like girl bye.
Either way, she looked the part with her outfit, courtesy of her donor siblings mom. And celebrated with her daycare family. We took cupcakes and juice for them and then headed to dinner.
Nishay enjoyed all the love poured out to her. I made sure I read every text and social media post to her.
HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY PRETTY GIRL!!! Mommy loves you
Reflections
The other day someone told me I was doing too much for Nishay’s 1st birthday. And initially i questioned myself… But as I thought about it more what I wanted to tell them is, if you knew the story of my journey, you’d be celebrating too!
I literally think back to when it was just a thought and the difficulties I had trying to conceive. The medical issues that flaired, the many hospital trips including my long term stay. Going to my regular monitoring appointment, being walked over to labor and delivery, and immediately induced due to pre-eclampsia symptoms. After 24hrs of labor both my daughter and I going into distress with blood pressure readings being off the charts and no fetal movement detected. To Nishay being born with the umbilical cord around her neck and me being separated from her overnight. To my severe infection that kept us in the hospital longer. A difficult healing process and serious bouts of postpartum depression.
So you see, I’m not just celebrating a 1st birthday-I’m celebrating the good, the bad, and the ugly of this amazing motherhood journey. I’m praising God for my blessings, my dream deferred, his answered prayers, and my miracle baby girl!
Birthday Shenanigans
In true Parson style, you have several birthday celebrations. Nishay’s first birthday celebration was participating in Build-A-Bears birthday club. She got to make a bear for just $1 (to represent her age). Of course we had to dress the bear and buy the accessories so they still made money lol. And then it was off to lunch at Cheesecake Factory. Countdown to 1 is well on its way
Not Prepared
As a new parent, you try to prepare for everything by reading books, joining apps, searching blogs, and googling. But there is one thing no one can ever prepare you for and that’s the MOM GUILT!
The constant worrying about making mistakes, leaving your child, and trying to get everything right. It’s usually unnecessary, unhelpful, and makes an already difficult job much harder.
Mom guilt is so real and takes a major toll on your emotions and confidence. While some level of guilt is normal, beating yourself up over it, only makes things worse. So where does that unrealistic expectation or ideal of a perfect mom come from?
Some of the top causes of mom guilt surround breastfeeding, being a working mom, allowing too much screen time, losing your temper, not spending enough time with your kids, and having to ask for help. As an SMC, that is also compounded by bringing a child into this world without a father. I can say I’ve experienced my fair share of mom guilt related to all of the above. It’s been an ongoing struggle but a few things I try to remember include giving myself grace, challenging those negative thoughts, identifying ways to engage in self care, having supportive people around me, knowing it’s ok to take a break, and most importantly seek professional help if needed. I also allow myself to be present and play with my daughter as much as possible. Her smiles and cuddles help to remind me, I’m doing something right!
Countdown to 1
I can not believe in another month I will have a 1 year old!! This has been the most amazing journey. Take a look back at her milestone pictures. It’s been awesome to see her personality develop just in these pics alone. And yall pray for me cause she does not like to stay on the blanket anymore so hopefully I get a 12 month photo 😂
Where Have We Been?
Hey there- In anticipation of Nishay’s 1st birthday, I feel the need to start documenting our journey again. The last year has been a true rollercoaster ride- it’s had its ups/downs, highs/lows and scares. And with so much going on, I definitely neglected documenting this amazing journey. I am sad that I missed documenting it but definitely have the pictures to fall back on and the memories that will last a lifetime! Here’s just a small snapshot of what you missed…
But stay tuned as we take on first steps, table food, 1st bee day, and beyond!
Mother’s Day
I celebrated my first official Mother’s Day and was overwhelmed by the text, calls and cards. It made me feel extra special that people took time to acknowledge my first Mother’s Day. And while everyone was celebrating me, Nishay made sure I worked for that title all weekend lol. My favorite part was being able to spend the day with 4 generations: my grandmother, my mom, me and Nishay!
During this trip, Nishay got to meet her cousin also. If my Godsis and I have anything to do with it, these 2 will be best friends. And this was the start of their journey
Its Been A Minute
So much has happened in the last 2 months and it dawned on me I haven’t documented any of it 😫. But if I’m being honest, it’s also because these have been a rough couple months. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in LOVE with my sweet baby girl and have no regrets. But this is also probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done!!! Yes even harder than those degrees, buying a house, starting my business, and being a therapist. To give a recap:
- I have always separated work from personal life but this experience has truly shown me that my UMB colleagues can also be part of my village. They not only did the shower and gifts but when they found out about the difficulties Nishay and I were having they sent monetary gifts to help pay for parking, meals, and other expenses. I also has a visit in the hospital from our Division Director, Dr. Edwards who also came bearing gifts. I was extremely overwhelmed with their generosity
- After we were both released from the hospital (she ended up not needing surgery and was thriving well in the NICU), my medical challenges made it extremely hard to care for her. I was constantly tired, in pain, and unsure of myself. Ended up in hospital again overnight due to medication issues and complications of migraine.
- We stayed with my mom for the first month and that was extremely helpful. I felt bad daily for putting her out her room, feeling sick, relying on her. But she was a trooper and made sure I knew often that I was doing a good job. She’s honestly the real MVP of this whole journey
- Emotions- whew chile my emotions have been all over the place. Definitely dealt with some postpartum depression while managing the mom guilt of wondering if I’m doing things right, feeling inadequate, and crying often in frustration. I can grow in this area for sure and give myself much more grace than I have been
- When we finally came home it was an adjustment. You see my mom lives in a condo and everything is on 1 level. I have 3 floors, with both my bathrooms being upstairs 🤦🏾♀️. Luckily my mom helped us get settled here too. My biggest fear was taking Nishay up and down the stairs. I’ve created some great systems to help us with that. I have my bag I bring with me to carry little things like my water, her meds, bottles, etc. I also made an investment to buy a second boppy because I mean really, who is remembering to bring that up/downstairs. I have enough to worry about. Also have the pack and play set up on the first floor so she has a secure place to sleep in addition to the bassinet in my room.
- Doctor Appointments- she had her first doc appointment the very next day after discharge, a week after that, 1 month, and 2 month. She was s little slow to gain weight but is now moving fast. First app she was 6lbs, second app she was 6lbs 6oz, third app she was 7lbs 10oz, and she is now 9lb 14oz
- The breastfeeding journey has been interesting but we are making it. She latches like a pro and obviously according to weight eats often lol. The difficult part is finding s comfortable position and gauging whether she is still hungry or just using me as a giant pacifier. I will begin pumping again to build up my supply in anticipation of returning to work
- Sleep- I thought I was tired before but naw I totally understand the meaning of exhaustion now. Caring for me, caring for her, and trying to get other tasks done somewhere between the two is literally a full-time job!
- Road Trip- Nishay has already had her first road trip. We traveled to NC to see my cousin graduate with her doctorate in pharmaceuticals. I didn’t realize how much stuff you need when traveling with a baby. You have to anticipate everything and pack literally their whole life. But it was definitely worth it
Good Catch
After the transfer of baby girl, my doctors decided that I needed to continue to be observed and worked on getting me transferred as well. Once I arrived, things got a little more interesting…
As I was being wheeled down to the NICU, I begin to shake and felt chills. I couldn’t get warm no matter how many blankets they put on. I also spiked a temperature of 102 and blood pressure was extremely high. Based on my symptoms, the doctors said I had an infection in my uterus. So they started around the clock IV antibiotics..
By this time all I wanted to do was be with my baby girl and this was further preventing that. Although I am grateful that we were transferred because they might have sent me home.