Mother’s Day
I celebrated my first official Mother’s Day and was overwhelmed by the text, calls and cards. It made me feel extra special that people took time to acknowledge my first Mother’s Day. And while everyone was celebrating me, Nishay made sure I worked for that title all weekend lol. My favorite part was being able to spend the day with 4 generations: my grandmother, my mom, me and Nishay!
During this trip, Nishay got to meet her cousin also. If my Godsis and I have anything to do with it, these 2 will be best friends. And this was the start of their journey
Its Been A Minute
So much has happened in the last 2 months and it dawned on me I haven’t documented any of it 😫. But if I’m being honest, it’s also because these have been a rough couple months. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in LOVE with my sweet baby girl and have no regrets. But this is also probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done!!! Yes even harder than those degrees, buying a house, starting my business, and being a therapist. To give a recap:
- I have always separated work from personal life but this experience has truly shown me that my UMB colleagues can also be part of my village. They not only did the shower and gifts but when they found out about the difficulties Nishay and I were having they sent monetary gifts to help pay for parking, meals, and other expenses. I also has a visit in the hospital from our Division Director, Dr. Edwards who also came bearing gifts. I was extremely overwhelmed with their generosity
- After we were both released from the hospital (she ended up not needing surgery and was thriving well in the NICU), my medical challenges made it extremely hard to care for her. I was constantly tired, in pain, and unsure of myself. Ended up in hospital again overnight due to medication issues and complications of migraine.
- We stayed with my mom for the first month and that was extremely helpful. I felt bad daily for putting her out her room, feeling sick, relying on her. But she was a trooper and made sure I knew often that I was doing a good job. She’s honestly the real MVP of this whole journey
- Emotions- whew chile my emotions have been all over the place. Definitely dealt with some postpartum depression while managing the mom guilt of wondering if I’m doing things right, feeling inadequate, and crying often in frustration. I can grow in this area for sure and give myself much more grace than I have been
- When we finally came home it was an adjustment. You see my mom lives in a condo and everything is on 1 level. I have 3 floors, with both my bathrooms being upstairs 🤦🏾♀️. Luckily my mom helped us get settled here too. My biggest fear was taking Nishay up and down the stairs. I’ve created some great systems to help us with that. I have my bag I bring with me to carry little things like my water, her meds, bottles, etc. I also made an investment to buy a second boppy because I mean really, who is remembering to bring that up/downstairs. I have enough to worry about. Also have the pack and play set up on the first floor so she has a secure place to sleep in addition to the bassinet in my room.
- Doctor Appointments- she had her first doc appointment the very next day after discharge, a week after that, 1 month, and 2 month. She was s little slow to gain weight but is now moving fast. First app she was 6lbs, second app she was 6lbs 6oz, third app she was 7lbs 10oz, and she is now 9lb 14oz
- The breastfeeding journey has been interesting but we are making it. She latches like a pro and obviously according to weight eats often lol. The difficult part is finding s comfortable position and gauging whether she is still hungry or just using me as a giant pacifier. I will begin pumping again to build up my supply in anticipation of returning to work
- Sleep- I thought I was tired before but naw I totally understand the meaning of exhaustion now. Caring for me, caring for her, and trying to get other tasks done somewhere between the two is literally a full-time job!
- Road Trip- Nishay has already had her first road trip. We traveled to NC to see my cousin graduate with her doctorate in pharmaceuticals. I didn’t realize how much stuff you need when traveling with a baby. You have to anticipate everything and pack literally their whole life. But it was definitely worth it
Good Catch
After the transfer of baby girl, my doctors decided that I needed to continue to be observed and worked on getting me transferred as well. Once I arrived, things got a little more interesting…
As I was being wheeled down to the NICU, I begin to shake and felt chills. I couldn’t get warm no matter how many blankets they put on. I also spiked a temperature of 102 and blood pressure was extremely high. Based on my symptoms, the doctors said I had an infection in my uterus. So they started around the clock IV antibiotics..
By this time all I wanted to do was be with my baby girl and this was further preventing that. Although I am grateful that we were transferred because they might have sent me home.
Birthing Experience
In my mind, I had my birthing experience all planned out. The most important thing was that my OB be the one to deliver my baby. The minute they sent to Labor and Delivery, I knew I had to shift my mind.
After waking up from the c-section, I also realized how serious things got. Baby girl was born with the umbilical cord wrapped her neck and was not breathing on her own. She ended up in NICU. I couldn’t go see her because of the meds I was on and not being able to leave the bed. That was one of the hardest things ever. They did allow my mom to see her and she got pics but it definitely wasn’t the same. I also felt so disconnected because they talk about how important skin to skin and my baby was missing out on all that. It wasn’t until the next evening that I got to meet my daughter. However it was hard to see her hooked up to all those machines.
After finally feeling better after seeing my baby girl, I get the visit from the NICU doctor the next morning, saying that they are concerned about a bowel obstruction due to her not passing the meconium plug and an inflamed belly. I was told they needed to do contrast enema to see what was wrong. And the next thing I know they are talking about transferring my baby to University of MD for further evaluation and possible surgery. That was difficult to hear and the thought of being away from baby girl caused some anxiety.
She Earned That and More
So before I tell you how my DOULA earned all her money, let me remind you what a doula does. Doulas are professional birth coaches who often provide informational, emotional, physical, and mental support to women during the different phases of pregnancy. You have your prenatal, birth, and postpartum doulas. They can iften be the same person who provides this service or different persons.
Personally I chose a doula as a newly pregnant woman going through a scary process. I was already making a leap of faith by making a decision to become an SMC and although my family was supportive their knowledge of the birthing process was also outdated by a lot. It was even more comforting in the doula I chose because she too is an SMC and could not only help me navigate pregnancy but the world of being a single mother by choice.
Ok now on to why she earned that!!! So as you know I went to the hospital on Monday, well without knowing what was happening, my doula showed up and provided support even through the early hours of labor. I had just been induced, experienceing mild contractions, and honestly concerned about everything because this was not the plan. She knew that and provided much needed supoort, a playlist to distract, and some calming scents. She also provided reassurance that plans change and it would be ok. Although I didn’t progress as fast as doctors hoped my doula stayed through the night in an uncomfortable chair and tight room all the while asking questions, explaining things to me, and continuing to support.
She left the next morning but planned to come back once I became 5-6 centimeters dilated which meant I was in active labor. Upon her return is when things also got interesting for me. The best part of the doula was advocating for mine and the baby’s best interest, asking all the questions I’m too delirious to ask, and again explaining to me what was happening. As the night progressed I felt her desire and push to get the doctors to make some different decisions based on how I was progressing.
Once they made the decision to do emergency c-section, she unfortunately couldn’t come in the room because it was only 1 guest but she stayed until I returned to the room and continued to check on me via text after the birthing experience. So yeah like I said she earned that and more!!!!
Just in Time
Well the baby shower was right on time because that Monday I went to my normal MFM appointment and they sent me straight to labor and delivery. Apparently I had gone into severe range of pre-eclampsia due higher blood pressures and increased levels in urine. They decided to immediately induce.
I labored through Monday night and Tuesday. Upset that now, my OB would most likely not be delivering my baby. My water broke naturally (side note: why do they make it seem like only little drops of water come out when your water breaks. TV spoiled me because I wasn’t prepared to be feeling like I was peeing on myself most of the day. That water came gushing out).
After my water broke ish got real, labor pains increased and became more intense that I opted for the epidural. Things calmed down and I continued to progress, until it didn’t….. Breakthrough contractions came through and several hours later I was still only 7 centimeters dilated. Both baby girl and I went into distress with spiking blood pressures for me and limited movements for her through monitoring. So the team decided on doing an emergency c-section.
Needless to say, I don’t think anything about my birthing plan happened but my baby girl was born Tuesday, March 15 at 10:03pm weighing 7lbs 1oz and 19 inches long
Baby Shower #2
Maryland was calling for bad weather on Saturday March 12 and I was extremely concerned that my baby shower wasn’t even going to happen. Leading up to that day I even became a little depressed and honestly over the whole thing. My mom and support system had to pick my spirits up cause I was truly ready to throw it all away 😢.
We experienced rain, sleet, snow, high winds, and sun all in the matter of a couple hours. But even that couldn’t stop my baby shower from happening!!! My friends were troopers and came to my house. CellaRaye Creations (@cellarayecreations) and Universal Event Planning 1 (@universaleventplanning1) came through with my backdrops, they were amazing! And the virtual party commenced. Shout out to Godmommy Shemea for holding down tech support.
I didn’t get to see everyone face on the shower because of the way we had it set up but felt everyone’s love and support. And all the stressing was for nothing because it turned out just how it was supposed to. Not too many people came to the drive-thru because of the weather but that meant we could do something special for my doctors and the nurses at the hospital with the left over gift bags
Shout out to my Dream Team who helped plan such an amazing event and worked hard behind the scenes. HUGE shout out to my mom, who has literally sacrificed everything she has and made sure my smile shined bright. She’s the real MVP
Baby Moon
With COVID still being real, plans for extravagant baby moon changed. Now if you’re like my mom and are not sure what a baby moon is I will define it for you… BABY MOON: similar to a honeymoon, in that it’s a celebratory vacation. You’re enjoying quality time (alone, with a significant other, or friends) before the birth of a new baby.
But I was still excited about the smaller scale plan my girls came up with. And even that plan changed. Due to being in the hospital and on limited movement I missed the weekend with my girls. It was supposed to start with a nice dinner, then the Monica concert, and end with a sleepover.
Although not the same, they did at least duo me into the concert so I could experience it with them. But I’m definitely holding them to a redo (even if it is after the baby’s born 🤣😂)
Baby Shower #1
Yesterday my job, University of Maryland threw me a surprise baby shower. Was definitely not expecting it and even oblivious when I first logged on to the staff meeting. It was too sweet because they even coordinated with my mom to get me the gifts to open during the shower.
I’ve always been one to keep my work and home life separate but over the years and especially the last 8months, SMHP and NCSMH has shown me so much understanding, love, and support that I have no choice but to consider them part of my village!! And I’m all the more thankful for it!
